Whispering Wyrd

My decades long internal self loathing, conflict, and strife are at an end. And I didn’t have to die to achieve that. When I look back on the decades I carried that self loathing, it makes me a little sad. Nobody should hate themselves that much for that long. But a lot of people do, and it costs them dearly… not just their mental health, but their physical health too.

Long term self loathing takes a serious toll on you. It causes severe psychological damage and conditions like depression, anxiety, and even self harm. It also fuels addiction. Over decades it jacks with the immune system and leads to conditions like heart disease, type 2 diabetes (this one happened to me), and gastrointestinal problems. All because of a constant, unrelenting flood of stress hormones. That hypercritical inner voice wreaks havoc on your mind and body. It keeps your fight or flight system in a state of constant activation.

I can feel the difference now. As in I literally feel it. It’s like a weight has been lifted off me. A weight that was crushing me and getting heavier all the time.

If self loathing is a problem for you too, start by acknowledge that self loathing is a learned response or a childhood survival mechanism. It’s not an actual truth about your character. You might have been told over and over that you were a failure, a bad kid, ugly, stupid or anything that chipped away at your sense of self worth. Those things were never truths. They were lies. Lies meant to hurt you.

Try to challenge those thoughts when they come up, don’t just accept them. When that inner critic shows up ask yourself, would you talk that way to somebody you love? Would you say those things to your son, your daughter, your husband or wife? No. So why let it be done to you? When you realize that self loathing is a learned thing and that those things were never true, you can see yourself and your life in a far more accurate light.

The internal war might have defined your past but it doesn’t have to claim your future too. Decades of self loathing leaves deep scars on the mind and body, but the human spirit has a profound capacity for healing. Every single second of self compassion acts like a cellular level “truce”, telling your nervous system that it’s finally safe to stand down. Healing isn’t about suddenly being perfect and it almost never happens overnight. It’s about deciding right now exactly as you are that you are worthy of your own care and love. Drop those weapons of self criticism and self hatred and take a breath, and let the healing begin. Because you deserve peace and happiness.

Amituofo
~Buck