Whispering Wyrd

I keep learning since getting clean new ways to approach life and I’ve realized I’m not just learning new things… I’m also un-learning old ones. Modern society tries to tell us that softness is weakness and hardness is strength. But I think that’s backward.

Softness is the way of life. Green grass is soft, water is soft, and new shoots growing on trees, like the fresh growth on my bonsai, are soft. These are all signs of life. But when grass dies, it becomes brittle and stiff. Dead branches become hard and rigid. Hardness and rigidity belong to death, not life.

There’s an old saying that nothing is softer than water but nothing can withstand its power. Water cuts through rock and it creates rivers and canyons. It shapes the Earth itself. In the case of floods and tsunamis, it can destroy everything in its path. But water never struggles to prove its strength. It just flows according to its own nature.

I think the human heart is the same way. A hardened heart is nothing to brag about. In the end it usually brings suffering both to ourselves and to others. But in parts of modern culture, having a “soft heart” is treated like some kind of flaw or weakness. That’s a shame.

I know what it’s like to have a hardened heart. I lived that way for years, decades even. Like the saying goes I had a “heart of stone.” I wasn’t happy then. Addiction, fear, anger, trauma, and constant defensiveness hardened me over time and I was miserable.

But after so much suffering, recovery, and reflection I can honestly say I now have a soft heart, and I prefer it this way. I’m healthier, happier, more compassionate, and honestly a better man than I used to be. For the first time in my life I genuinely like the person I am becoming.

I think modern society gets a lot of things backward when it comes to strength, fulfillment, and even truth itself. A lot of times it feels like we’re told there are only two options in how to live… either believe everything blindly without questioning, or reject anything that can’t be measured in a lab somewhere.

But the idea that balance is the healthiest way is ancient wisdom. It’s been around for thousands of years. Buddhism talks about the Middle Way. Daoism teaches about moderation and harmony. Stoicism teaches balance and deep self awareness. A lot of ancient traditions understood that extremes lead to suffering, yours and everyone’s around you.

Even babies show this strange truth about softness and strength. A baby is small, fragile, innocent, and helpless, but anyone who’s ever had a baby grip their finger knows how surprisingly powerful that grip can be. A baby doesn’t force anything. It doesn’t need to. Softness has nothing to prove.

I’ve noticed faith works similarly. If you try to force faith, or force yourself to “be spiritual,” it just becomes artificial. Fake. The ego gets involved and we start keeping score. “I did something good, therefore I must be a good person.” I’ve heard this called “spiritual materialism,” where even goodness becomes something we collect like physical possessions. It strokes the ego.

But when compassion or faith truly sinks deep into the heart, goodness becomes more natural. You stop calculating and you just simply help when help is needed. You care because caring has become a natural part of who you are.

But I want to make clear that I do not believe someone needs religion or faith to be a good person. Some of the kindest and most moral people I’ve ever known have no religious beliefs at all. Goodness clearly does not belong exclusively to any religion or philosophy.

These are just things I’ve been learning since getting clean. I’m not trying to preach to anyone. I write these thoughts for the same reason I write anything else, to document my own journey and hopefully maybe help someone else feel a little less alone in their own journey.

Addiction and trauma take a heavy toll. They can harden us and they can rewire the nervous system, distort our thinking, and leave us constantly bracing for danger. It can take a long time to learn how to live in a healthier way after that. Maybe I arrived late to these realizations but I’m deeply grateful I have arrived at all.

I wish you all peace, healing, good health, and love.

Amituofo
~Buck

Photo Credit: Ty Britt