Whispering Wyrd

Wow! So many things are happening so fast, and these are good, exciting things. Our new home is officially under contract now, so nobody can come along and snatch it out from underneath us. Even though we’ve had a home built before, we’ve never purchased one that was already built, and we definitely didn’t expect things to move so fast once we put an offer on it.

Yesterday my wife and I went to visit our newest grandchild and spent hours holding him. Funny how holding a grandchild can fix almost anything. His parents got a much needed break because he has his days and nights mixed up right now. Awake all night and sleeping most of the day. My wife and I remember those days well and it can definitely be exhausting.

We’ve been so busy that for the first time in a long time I wasn’t online at all for the last two days, much less writing anything. But this is a really good kind of busy. I can happily live with this kind of busy! So many changes are happening all at once and all of them are good.

Something I’ve noticed though is how my nervous system reacts to all of this. For so many years, decades actually, it got used to things going horribly wrong. So when things are actually going well, it can feel strange and even a little scary. My nervous system starts thinking, “OK… where’s the disaster hiding? What’s about to happen?” Like it’s waiting for the hammer to drop. On guard and hyper alert. Like it’s looking for some catastrophe and trying to anticipate it before it hits.

I know that’s trauma speaking. Even knowing that though it can still feel rather unsettling at times. But I’m not gonna to allow fear to create a disaster where there isn’t one.

I also found something new that really interests me in Tai Chi and Qigong practice. One of the masters I follow posted a video of herself doing something that looked like Tai Chi but in a way I’ve never seen before. Later she explained that it was “freestyle” Tai Chi. The movements and breathing still followed Tai Chi principles, but instead of following a traditional preset form, the movements come spontaneously.

I loved that idea so I tried it myself and it was really enjoyable! I even told my wife how much I’m looking forward to practicing outdoors more when we move into our new home.

Between visiting our grandson, handling paperwork for the new house, and driving back and forth between Santa Fe, Albuquerque, and Bernalillo, we’ve really been “burning up the highway” lately as the saying goes. But again this is a good sort of busy. Our lives right now are full of hope, love, gratitude, and excitement.

I’m so incredibly grateful to be sober and clean. Honestly I don’t believe any of this would be possible if I wasn’t. And even if it somehow was possible, I certainly wouldn’t be able to experience and appreciate it the way I can now. Sobriety has given me the ability to truly be present for my life.

Lately I keep thinking about something I once heard… One person says, “You only live once,” and another replies, “No, you only die once. You live every day.” That really makes sense to me. This life is unrepeatable and I want to make the most of it while I’m here. That’s what I’m trying to do now.

I wish you all peace, good health, love, and happiness.

Amituofo
~Buck