Whispering Wyrd

My heart woke me up early this morning doing its disturbing “dance” that benzo withdrawal caused. It doesn’t happen as often these days, thankfully, but when it does there is no ignoring it, and no going back to sleep when it happens in the middle of the night. It’s one of the prices I paid for getting clean. There’s even a name for it, it’s medically called BIND… Benzodiazepine-Induced Neurological Dysfunction. Even with that though, I’m still happier than I’ve ever been in my life.

Even though it may not be known much outside of New Mexico and particularly Santa Fe, the remains of the man who went missing back in September of last year were found yesterday. I can’t even imagine the pain that family must be feeling. While it might bring some sense of closure, there are still so many unanswered questions surrounding the whole situation. There are people that law enforcement, and at least one private investigator, have been questioning since the beginning of this case. I’m sure those questions will only get more aggressive now.

His disappearance and death hit close to home for me because he was a lineman. I used to work on contract power line crews, so in that sense it felt personal even though I never knew him. He had a wife and young children, and they have been left wondering what happened since last September.

It makes me think again about how none of us know how much time we have left. None of us are guaranteed another chance to hold our loved ones close. It’s so easy to take life, and all we’ve been blessed with, for granted. Bills, responsibilities, routines, the endless rinse-and-repeat of daily life. All of it can distract us. All of it can lull us into forgetting what matters most… family, love, gratitude.

Even with my heart acting up this morning, I’m reminding myself how fortunate I am. How blessed I am. I live in what is, to me, the most beautiful place in the world. Every day I’m surrounded by breathtaking beauty. I have my family, we have good food and a good place to live. We have amazing neighbors.

This morning, like every morning, I checked in on people in the recovery community across a few platforms while having my tea and breakfast. I saw a post that deeply resonated with me. It said, “I have survived things that have killed other people, so I don’t take a single day for granted.” I nodded to myself and said, “Yep.”

I still think about that young man in my benzo recovery group who didn’t make it. It was just too much for his body and mind. So no, I don’t take what I’ve been given for granted. None of us should, whether we’ve battled addiction or not.

So I guess today all I want to say is this, hug your loved ones. Tell them you love them. Better yet, show them how much you love them. Take a minute to contemplate your blessings, even if something, or a lot of somethings, are weighing heavy on you. Even if your heart feels like it’s about to call it quits. This day is still a gift.

Amituofo
~Buck

Photo Credit: My son, Ty Britt