Whispering Wyrd

I feel exhausted today after really bad, fitful sleep last night. Those nightmares again. I finally got out of bed, made some tea, and sat looking out the window. I found myself searching for something good, something hopeful, so the dreams wouldn’t set the tone for the entire day.

Nothing came at first. Then I checked the weather app and saw we’re supposed to get a winter storm… in May. That sent me spiraling straight into the blahs.

We’re human. Not every day is gonna be peaches and cream. Some days it’s the weather, some days it’s lack of sleep, and some days it’s just an undefinable weariness feeling. But even those days pass too.

Yesterday evening I was talking with someone who is struggling right now. They asked if I had any advice for dealing with some hard things they’re dealing with right now. I paused a while before answering because I didn’t want to give them any useless platitudes. I wanted to offer something real, something that could actually help.

I told them that for years I used alcohol, and then benzos, to self medicate. I used them to bury things I didn’t know how to face or process. But when I got clean and sober, those buried things were still there, memories, PTSD, nightmares, anxiety. They didn’t magically disappear just because I got clean and sober.

What changed was that I had to learn new ways to cope. I learned tools while surviving benzo withdrawals, and those same tools are helping me heal the wounds that kept me locked in addiction in the first place. Daily meditation, walking, hiking. Eating healthier and taking care of both my body and my mind.

I made it a point not to bring faith into that conversation. Faith is deeply important in my own healing but this person doesn’t relate to spiritual beliefs at all and I didn’t want to derail their moment of openness by talking in ways that wouldn’t help them.

I know what that feels like, reaching out for help and being handed religious trope instead of something actually useful. So I kept it practical. I told them to walk, even if they didn’t think it would help right then. Not with some grand or at the moment unattainable goal in mind. Just walk.

I told them to eat what they could, but try to actually nourish themselves instead of feeding the stress and problems with sugar. And I suggested meditation, not as religion or in any religious context, but as a tool. Start with five or ten minutes. Be consistent because with meditation consistency is key.

Meditation has been one of the most important tools in my own healing. If I had to choose just one tool, that would probably be it. It helped me begin facing what I used to run from and bury with substances.

This person wasn’t in crisis, thankfully. Just hurting and worn down. But the fact that they trusted me enough to open up was important. I wanted to honor that trust with something sincere and useful. Not some lecture or anything that might make them regret opening up to me in the first place.

That conversation reminded me of something really important, not everybody needs or wants spiritual language when they are struggling. Not everybody wants religious language. Some people do, and that’s fine but others don’t, and that’s fine too. But to really help, you have to honor what they need.

What matters isn’t converting people to our own worldview in recovery or life in general. What matters is helping people heal. Recovery isn’t one size fits all. People aren’t cookie cutters. There are a lot roads/paths that lead people back to life and healing.

The best thing is just meeting somebody exactly where they are right now, talking in a way they can actually hear and offering tools they can actually use. That can be enough to help someone keep going today. No religious platitudes necessary.

Amituofo
~Buck