Whispering Wyrd

Have you ever had somebody try to bring up things from your past to hurt you or “cut you down to size”? Maybe you got clean or sober and now share your story so others know they can heal too. Most people, in my experience, are supportive of recovery and of someone trying to live a better life.

But there are people who, for whatever reason, act like they’re threatened by it. They reach into your past and try to use it like a weapon. They try to embarrass you, shame you, or remind you of who you used to be. People like that can be as toxic as the substances you left behind.

I’ve only had one person try to do that to me. I no longer have contact with that person because of that. Just like I cut alcohol and benzos out of my life, I cut toxic people out of my life too. I don’t live in the past anymore, and I share my story freely and openly so there’s really nothing anyone can “expose” that I haven’t already faced myself.

Sometimes though it isn’t other people doing it sometimes it’s our own minds. Sometimes the mind digs up old memories of things we said or did during active addiction and it hurls them at us like weapons. It tries to tell us that we’re still that same old person. That can be harder to deal with than a toxic person because unlike another person we can’t just remove our own mind from our lives. So we need a different approach.

We can take power away from those memories by bringing them right into the light. Confront them just like we would a person trying to shame or hurt us. Write them down and face them honestly. Challenge the lie that your worst moments actually define you. Use meditation or prayer to calm yourself when those memories come. Practice what’s called radical self compassion. Focus on the good you’re doing now instead of the harm you did back then. You’re not the same person you were in active addiction.

Yes, recovery can include making amends when needed and where possible, but only when it doesn’t cause any further harm. That part matters a lot and I think the “as long as it doesn’t cause harm” part is too often overlooked. Real healing isn’t about reopening wounds just to ease our own conscience. It is about honesty that’s guided by wisdom, humility, and sincere care for others’ lives and feelings.

Getting and staying clean is about more than just not using substances. It’s about healing and growth as a person, as a human being. It’s about putting down toxic behaviors just as much as putting down toxic substances. There may be setbacks but you don’t have to be ruled by old shame from your past. You don’t have to answer to every single accusation from others or every cruel/painful/shameful thought from your own mind. The past might still get loud sometimes but it absolutely doesn’t get the final word. The life you build today and the good you do now speaks louder than anything from the past trying to drag you down.

Amituofo
~Buck