Whispering Wyrd

The Healing Web

recent posts

Healing Doesn’t Mean Every Day Is Gonna Be Easy

I write a lot about how happy I am with my life these days, and I am happy. Very happy. But that doesn’t mean I don’t still struggle because I do.

The last few days have been hard. We had to spend a lot of money replacing the entire roof on our home. Considering we just bought the house a month ago it feels like we’ve been bleeding money ever since we moved in. That’s really been stressful.

But I don’t think that’s what’s really been eating at me. The multifocal PVCs that developed during benzo withdrawal came back a few days ago after being gone for months. They wake me up from a dead sleep every night lately. Once they start it takes me a long time to go back to sleep if I can fall asleep again at all. The lack of sleep has been taking a toll.

One of the hardest parts about that is the uncertainty. After months of peace they come back again without any warning, bringing those questions with them like, is this my new normal? Will they disappear again or not? How long will they last this time?

I know that lack of sleep has a way of making everything worse. Worries are worse, anxiety is worse, even ordinary problems feel worse than they really are when you’re exhausted.

So yeah, I write a lot about how grateful I am to finally be happy because I really am. But happiness doesn’t mean life suddenly becomes easy all the time. It doesn’t mean old fears never come back or hard days disappear forever. But I can say it does mean that I haven’t lost hope.

There was a time in my life when a string of days like this would have convinced me that everything was falling apart forever. Like there was zero hope of things getting better. These days still shake me, but they don’t define me anymore. Because I’ll keep putting one foot in front of the other. I’ll keep trusting that this hard time won’t last forever.

If you’re having one of those days too, or a string of them, if you’re tired, anxious, hurting, or just trying to make it through I hope you’ll keep moving forward too. Sometimes that’s all we can do for now.

Amituofo
~Buck

Posted in , , , , , , ,

6 responses to “Healing Doesn’t Mean Every Day Is Gonna Be Easy”

  1. Hayley May Avatar
    Hayley May

    I’m glad you’re in a better place. I enjoy reading your updates. For me I’ve learned staying fluid is so important. We’ll all have good days and bad days, no matter how perfect our lives are. But I think when you’re in a better place, you develop more resilience to deal with the bad days. You cope better today than you would’ve at your worst. I’ve commented before, I can’t personally relate to drug addiction, but I do relate to healing from life being shit. My problems are along the lines of dissociative and psychotic episodes triggered by traumas. I’ve been living alone away from family for six years now. The biggest thing I learned is that your environment matters massively when it comes to feeling safe, secure and resilient when days are rough. It’s slowly getting easier for me. This is also in reply to one of your recent posts about your nervous system needing time to feel safe after a life time of trauma. It does take time but it does slowly happen, those frozen parts of you start to thaw and come alive again.

    Reply
    1. Buck Avatar
      Buck

      Wow! This is an incredibly inspiring reply and something that immediately jumped out at me was “staying fluid is so important”! I really, really needed that reminder today, thank you! You’re also so right about environment being so important. Thankfully, my environment now is good, so I need to work on staying fluid. Thank you so much!

      Reply
      1. Hayley May Avatar
        Hayley May

        I’m glad my reply was inspiring! Yes I realised a lot of psychological struggles come when we’re too rigid about things rather than giving ourselves space to be flexible. For example, when I read your post I feel like I’m seeing my own traits of needing perfectionism constantly. Of needing to be perfect in our happiness. But you can’t do happiness perfectly, happiness comes when there’s fluidity, and fluidity is the opposite to the rigidity of perfectionism.

      2. Buck Avatar
        Buck

        You’re right. And I needed reminding of these facts. You’re correct in your observation that I was being rigid and pursuing perfection. That only creates more tension than what is already present.

      3. Hayley May Avatar
        Hayley May

        I feel like we’re in similar places in our healing journey even if our stories are different so I enjoy reading your posts and I’m glad my comments have been helpful.

      4. Buck Avatar
        Buck

        I agree. Very similar places it would seem even if the situations that brought us here are different. And yes, your comments have been incredibly helpful and I deeply appreciate that!

Leave a Reply

Discover more from Whispering Wyrd

Subscribe now to keep reading and get access to the full archive.

Continue reading