Whispering Wyrd

I woke up to another beautiful day here today. As part of my daily morning routine I checked in on the recovery community across a few platforms. There’s almost always something encouraging there. People helping each other, lifting each other up. It’s a good way to start the day.

But then I saw a headline someone posted that I wish I hadn’t clicked on. It was about the current administration threatening the Vatican, talking about America’s “unmatched military power” and suggesting it can do “whatever it wants in the world”. That the Catholic Church should get on “America’s side” and making references to a pope being brought down. And now the Pope has canceled his visit here, his country of birth, because of the threat. That hit me hard. I’m not a Catholic, but threatening the Pope… really?!

Before I knew it, I could feel that old anger rising inside me. My chest tightened. My thoughts sped up. That old feeling/energy from long ago, anger, frustration, started rising and I know I’m not alone in that.

Lately, in conversations with others in recovery, I can it in their eyes and hear it in their voices. The political climate, the constant talk of war, the division, even within families, it’s affecting us. Some people are saying they are feeling pulled back toward old mental patterns. Others have said they’re starting to feel numb, “emotionally spent”. Not everyone, but I’ve noticed it more lately. I know it’s affecting me too.

It’s real and it’s happening. This morning, as I felt that anger building, something interrupted it. A bell. I use a mindfulness app from Plum Village, and I have it set to where every thirty minutes it plays the sound of a singing bowl. Just a simple reminder to stop, breathe, and come back to the present moment.

Right as I was getting pulled into that anger, that bell rang. So I stopped. I took a breath and then another. I put my palms together, closed my eyes, and quietly said, “Amituofo.” And just like that the wave passed. That old anger that was rising, the stuff that used to feed my alcoholism and addiction, was gone.

Not because the situation suddenly became right and not because I stopped caring. But because I didn’t follow the anger where it wanted to take me. I didn’t know how to stop it while I was in active alcoholism and addiction. But I know how to now, and sometimes all I need is a reminder, and that bell every 30 minutes reminds me.

I’m not sharing this as a “look at me” moment. I’m sharing it because I know how quickly things can spiral downhill, maybe especially for those of us in recovery. Because I know I myself didn’t just have to detox from substances, I had to learn how to detox from anger, from the kinds of mental states that once fed my addiction.

That bell helps me remember this. Those constant streams of headlines of war, threats, power, “on to the next conquest”… that stuff spreads. Like a kind of emotional virus or something. One story turns into ten, one conversation into another, and suddenly it’s living inside our hearts and minds.

And while it’s important to stay informed, there’s a difference between being informed and being consumed. Especially for me, and I think maybe especially for anyone who’s in recovery, trying to stay healthy in body and mind.

Because for many of us, going too far down that road into anger, fear, or emotional exhaustion doesn’t just ruin a day. It can take us back to places we have fought hard to leave behind. I’m not saying we should ignore what’s happening and I’m definitely not saying we should stay silent about things that are wrong. I’m just saying we have to take care of our inner world while we do it.

We have to protect the peace we’ve worked so hard to find even while we’re watching a world that sometimes feels like it’s imploding. For me at least, that means stepping back when I feel that pull toward anger. It means breathing and choosing not to feed the anger, even when I’m certain it’s justified.

It means listening for that bell, whatever form it takes. Maybe for you it’s your breath. Maybe it’s a walk, a prayer, meditation, or just stepping outside for a minute and feeling the sun on your face. Whatever it is for you, hold onto it. Because there’s a lot going on right now.

And if we’re not careful, it can take a lot more from us than we realize. So today I’m grateful for that small interruption. For that simple reminder that I don’t have to go down every road my mind offers me. And if you’re feeling overwhelmed, or numb, or pulled in directions you don’t want to go, you’re not alone. Pause when you can. Breathe when you can. Sometimes, that’s enough to make a big difference.

Amituofo
~Buck