Whispering Wyrd

There was a discussion going on today that I couldn’t help getting involved in. It was about the “Higher Power” part of programs like AA and NA.

I already knew that some people struggle with that part of the steps. But until today I didn’t realize just how many.

For some people, hearing a lot of “God talk” in certain meetings is comforting. For others, it can feel like being back in church. If church has been a positive experience in your life, that can be a good thing. But if someone has had painful experiences with religion or religious people, it can immediately make them feel like they don’t belong.

That’s a problem! Because addiction doesn’t care what you believe.

Addiction grabs atheists, agnostics, Buddhists, Christians, and people who have never even thought about spirituality at all. It doesn’t check your belief system before it wrecks your life. And people who need help shouldn’t feel like they have to adopt someone else’s theology just to get that help.

The truth is, spirituality is part of AA and NA. It’s right there in the steps. But the programs also say something very important about the Higher Power…

“As you understand it.”

That phrase matters! It means your understanding of a Higher Power is yours. Not the person sitting next to you. Not the group leader. Not anyone else.

During the discussion today, one person said something that stuck with me. They said their higher power was a doorknob, because they could see it and touch it. I don’t know if they were being serious or sarcastic, but I understood what they were trying to say. They needed something they could accept. Something that didn’t push them away from recovery.

Another person responded simply, “Whatever works for you.”

Actually, that response probably captures the spirit of recovery better than anything else.

When I first started getting clean, I wasn’t in AA or NA. I was in a support group specifically for people coming off benzos. The focus there was mostly practical, people sharing their experiences, information, and sometimes medical advice from doctors. It helped me a lot.

Eventually I moved into NA, partly because of something they say that really hit home for me… Many of us didn’t consider ourselves addicts because the drugs we took were legally prescribed.

We realized something was wrong when the drugs were taken away, or when we couldn’t function without them. That was my story.

I already knew I was an alcoholic. My doctor knew it too, it was in my medical records. But admitting that I was also addicted to prescribed drugs took a lot longer. In my experience, the recovery programs absolutely can work when the steps are lived out in real life. I’ve seen it with my own eyes, and I’ve lived it myself.

But here’s the thing I care deeply about.

Sometimes people walk away from these programs before they ever give them a chance, not because the program wouldn’t help them, but because they feel like they’re being preached at. And that breaks my heart. Addiction kills people. People go to prison because of addiction. Families are destroyed by addiction.

If someone is already hurting and desperate enough to walk into a meeting, the last thing they need is to feel like they’re being judged or converted. They need help. They need support. They need people who understand.

My own understanding of a Higher Power today is very different from what it used to be. For me, it’s connected to the Buddha and the idea of Buddha-nature. For someone else, it may be the God of the Bible. For another person, it might simply be the collective wisdom of the group. What matters isn’t the label. What matters is that the person finds something that helps them stay alive and stay clean.

If you’re someone struggling with addiction and the word “God” makes you want to walk out the door, please hear this… You don’t have to believe what anyone else believes in order to recover. Your understanding of a Higher Power is yours.

And if one meeting doesn’t feel right, try another. Every group is different. Somewhere out there is a room full of people who will understand exactly where you’re coming from.

And if you’re someone already in recovery, especially someone who helps run meetings, this matters too. There are a lot of wounded people walking through those doors. Some of them carry deep scars from religion. Some of them shut down the moment they feel like they’re being preached at.

If we want to help as many people as possible recover, we have to remember something simple, recovery groups should feel like doors opening, not doors closing.

Because addiction is already deadly enough.

We don’t need anything, even good intentions, standing in the way of someone getting the help that might save their life.

Amituofo
~Buck