Whispering Wyrd

This is part two, and the final part, of what helped me get into recovery, stay in recovery, and ultimately get off benzodiazepines.

In the previous post, I talked about support, recovery groups like AA and NA, faith (including faith in yourself), and the importance of living authentically. I’ll continue here with several other things that were just as crucial for me.

Nature

Nature has been profoundly healing for me, especially when my nervous system needed to relearn what safety feels like after decades of being on constant alert.

The mountains quite literally held me during my hardest moments. Trees helped me stay upright when I could barely even stand. The forest animals were witness to my grief, and the earth caught my tears. What benzodiazepine withdrawal does to a person is almost impossible to describe, but my Lyfjaberg, my healing mountain, was always there for me.

Cultures around the world recognize the healing power of nature. In Japan, there’s a practice called shinrin-yoku, or “forest bathing.” It doesn’t mean literal bathing in water, it means being mindfully present in a forested area and allowing the body to absorb the calming, restorative effects of trees and the natural compounds they release. It works for me.

If you don’t have access to a forest, don’t worry. A park with trees, a trail, a quiet place outdoors, anywhere that allows you to breathe and feel held by the natural world, can help. Nature doesn’t require or ask anything from you in return. It simply receives and heals you.

Meditation

I meditate every day. For me, it’s as essential as food.

Meditation brings my attention back to right now, the present. Even if that present moment is uncomfortable or unpleasant . When fear, worry, or physical symptoms are there, meditation helps me to look at those experiences instead of running from them. Over time, I’ve learned that when I do that those feelings often soften and eventually ease. They may return, but they no longer control me the way they once did.

During withdrawal and even afterward, I worried a lot about my physical health. Benzodiazepine withdrawal did things to my body I never could have imagined. It brought intense pain and frequent runs of multifocal PVCs. When your heart feels like it might stop beating, it’s really hard not to be afraid. So I meditate.

I’ve noticed that since I’ve lengthened my daily meditation practice, those PVC runs don’t last as long. I still have anxious moments, sometimes without even knowing why. I know now that this isn’t a failure, it’s my nervous system doing what it was trained to do. Your mind may know you’re safe, but your body may not believe it yet.

There’s a well known book on trauma healing called The Body Keeps the Score, and that phrase is very real. When your nervous system has been conditioned over time to stay hypervigilant, it takes patience for it to learn safety again. Safety itself can feel unfamiliar, even uncomfortable, because the body is waiting for the next crisis.

Meditation helps calm both the mind and the body. It isn’t a magic pill. Like everything else in recovery, it takes time, consistency, and commitment. You can’t just try it for a day or a week and decide it doesn’t work. Keep at it. It does work.

Food

Everyone has heard the phrase “eat healthy,” but in recovery it’s especially important.

Healing is hard work. Your body is repairing itself, and that process requires energy and nutrients. Just as I talked in the last post about being mindful of what we consume mentally, what we feed our bodies matters too.

It’s okay to enjoy treats now and then. But consistently nourishing your body with good food gives you the strength to get through each day. Your body has been through a lot. It’s working hard for you. Feed it well.

The Desire, the Drive

Finally, and this may be the most important part, you have to want freedom. You have to want to be clean more than you want to be comfortable.

Addiction doesn’t mean you lack willpower. You do have it, otherwise you wouldn’t be here reading this. A friend of mine once said, “It’s not enough to be running away from something, you also have to be running toward something.”

While you’re running away from addiction, you must also be running toward a goal. That goal is freedom. Sobriety. A life that belongs to you.

Getting off alcohol was brutal. Getting off benzodiazepines was even worse. But I reached a point where I no longer wanted to be a slave to any substance. I wanted freedom more than I wanted comfort. And it was worth it.

Substances no longer dictate my life. They no longer control my actions or my ability to experience joy. Once you reach the point where you’re no longer willing to let a substance keep taking from you, you’re already on the path to freedom.

I hope these reflections help.

I’ve written a lot about how difficult my recovery journey was. Now I want to share the freedom that came from it and help in whatever way I can. If you struggle with addiction, it does not mean you are a bad person. Addiction can lead people to do harmful and bad things, but recovery is possible. Don’t lose hope. Don’t give up. Reach out. Find support.

There are people who want to help you. I am one of them. We want to see you heal, succeed, and live a life fuller and happier than you may be able to imagine right now.

Amituofo
 ~Buck