This has turned into a much longer post than I intended, so I’m going to make it the first part of a two or three part series. Even this first part is long, but it feels important to share.
I want to talk openly and plainly about some of the things that were, and are, absolutely essential in my recovery. There are far too many to cover in a single post, so I’m focusing here on the ones I know, without a doubt, that I could not have done without. I hope that by sharing them plainly, not just hinting at them in passing, I can help not only people in addiction recovery, but anyone who feels stuck, overwhelmed, or worn down by life.
One important thing up front, these aren’t things you just read about and nod along to. They require participation. As many people in recovery have heard, “it works if you work it.” Healing, from addiction or from anything else, isn’t magic. It takes active effort. That effort can be gentle and smooth, but it does have to be real.
These things aren’t listed in any particular order. They work together, as a kind of a holistic whole. Everyone is different, every body, every mind, so the language may need to be adjusted to fit your own situation. Still, I believe these principles can help almost anyone if they’re applied. They certainly helped me.
Support
We are social creatures. We need one another. In my case, my family was there for me through everything. Even in the darkest, most painful moments, they stood by me. I know that not everyone has that kind of support, and that matters. A lot. That’s where groups become so important.
The support group I’m part of helped me in ways I can’t fully put into words. Groups like AA and NA, and others like them, exist for a reason. They are filled with people who understand what you’re going through because they’ve been there themselves. They know what works, what doesn’t, and what it really takes to stay in recovery.
You can talk openly and honestly in those places. You can feel safe. And when something has been helping people for close to a hundred years, there’s a reason it has endured.
Faith (Including Faith in Yourself)
When people talk about faith, it’s often framed as belief in something “bigger” than yourself. That matters, but so does faith in yourself. That part is crucial.
There’s a saying, “Whether you believe you can or believe you can’t, you’re right.” I want to be very careful with that. If you don’t yet believe you can overcome what you’re facing, that doesn’t mean you’re doomed. It just means you don’t yet have the tools you need. Faith is one of those tools.
Throughout history, people have survived unimaginable hardship through faith of one kind or another. What makes faith so vital is that it keeps hope alive. And hopelessness is dangerous.
When I was still on benzos, and alcohol before that, and struggling with severe clinical depression, a doctor once told me something that I’ve never forgotten, “If you ever lose all hope, tell me. True hopelessness is deadly.” She was right.
True hopelessness isn’t the same as feeling sad, discouraged, or even deeply depressed. It’s something even heavier. It’s the point where a person stops reaching out. Stops asking for help. Stops believing that help is even possible.
If you or someone you love are feeling that kind of hopelessness, please reach out to someone now. In the States you can call or text 988, the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, anytime, day or night. If you’re outside the U.S., local crisis lines are available in most countries. You are not weak for needing help. You’re human.
Making Faith Your Own
Here’s something that took me most of my life to understand… whatever your faith is, or isn’t, it has to be yours. This was one of my biggest struggles, and now I know that it played a role in keeping me trapped in cycles of shame and self-medication for decades. There is a deep, deep damage that comes from not being honest with yourself about what you truly believe. It’s hard to describe just how painful that kind of inner conflict can be.
My family is almost entirely Christian. For decades, I tried over and over again to make myself believe the way they do. I even tried again during the early stages of withdrawal. I just couldn’t. And deep down, I knew what I believed all along, but I kept pushing it away. That hurt me, badly.
I want to be really clear, I don’t blame anyone else for what I went through. I’m simply being honest about what helped me heal here.
When I finally allowed myself to acknowledge, first privately, and then openly, what I truly believe at the core of my being, things changed for the better. I felt freer. More whole. More at peace than I ever had before in my life.
Whatever you believe, or don’t believe, honesty matters. Your mind knows when you’re lying to yourself and so does your body. Medical science has long recognized that chronic internal conflict can show up as physical symptoms, and even illness. I lived that. Living authentically matters for healing.
Your loved ones will still love you. They may struggle or feel uncomfortable, and that can be painful, but you are still you. You are still the person they love. And if someone does reject you for being honest about who you are, that relationship may not be safe for your recovery. Authenticity isn’t selfish. It’s necessary, and recovery work cannot be built around managing other people’s reactions.
You can’t allow yourself to think that you’re only well as long as everyone else is comfortable. That is not real freedom. That isn’t authenticity. You can’t tell yourself, “I’ll be honest, but only if it doesn’t make others uncomfortable”, because that’s not real honesty. I’m not advocating for conflict, I’m advocating for true authenticity and true honesty. And it’s not limited to faith, I use that example because I’ve lived it, it could be anything about yourself that you’ve always felt you had to keep hidden. Anything that makes you feel like you have to make yourself smaller in order for others to feel comfortable.
I want to be clear that this isn’t a rejection of anyone else’s beliefs, nor a judgment of those who believe differently. It’s simply an honest account of what I needed in order to heal. People who are committed to misunderstanding you will do so no matter how gently you speak. If a reader in recovery sees themselves in my words and feels less alone, that is not outweighed by an adult choosing to be offended.
Actively Choosing Peace
Peace isn’t something you stumble upon “out there.” It’s something you cultivate. Your thoughts, your words, and your actions can either create peace or chaos. A lot of that comes down to what you consume.
Consumption isn’t just food or drink. It includes the media you watch, the news you follow, the things you read, and even the conversations you regularly have. Anything that consistently feeds fear, anger, or despair is unhealthy, just like living on junk food would be unhealthy for your body.
Most of us wouldn’t argue that eating highly processed food for every meal would eventually cause harm. The same is true for what we feed our minds.
For me, one of the most healing choices I made was stepping away from the news entirely. News is designed to provoke fear and outrage, because fear and outrage keep people watching. This isn’t about politics, it’s about business models. Fear sells. Anger sells. Letting go of constant news consumption had a profoundly positive effect on my mental and emotional health. It wasn’t easy, but it was possible, and it was worth it.
Choose peace where you can. In your thoughts. In your words. In your actions.
I’ll share more soon.
Thank you for reading! I wish you peace and strength.
Amituofo
~Buck
Photo Credit, my son, Ty Britt
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