Whispering Wyrd

Yesterday we spent the entire day driving. Not just driving to get somewhere, but driving to look. Exploring areas in Rio Rancho and Bernalillo, thinking about where we might be moving to in the coming months. New roads, new neighborhoods, and new views.

There’s something sorta weird about that kind of day. You’re not quite here anymore, but you’re not there yet either. Just somewhere… in between.

By the time we got home, I was exhausted. Not just physically, though there’s plenty of that too. But that deeper kind of tired that comes from taking in so much at one time…so many sights, so many potential decisions, so many “what ifs.” It leaves you feeling a little off balance and a little un-tethered.

I’ve noticed something about times like this. The mind wants to rush ahead, it wants to figure everything out right now. Things like where exactly will we live? Will it be right? Will this be a good move? What if it isn’t?

It tries to find somewhere solid before life has actually brought you there. But yesterday in the middle of all that, I caught myself. We were driving, and I looked out at the land and mountains stretching out under the beautiful New Mexico sky. The kind of sky that always feels bigger than whatever is going on inside your head. And something in me just sort of eased up.

Nothing was decided yet and nothing was certain. But in that one moment, nothing needed to be. Lately, through my own practices, whether it’s walking with my beads or sitting quietly in zazen the evening, I’ve been learning something I never understood for most of my life. You don’t have to “arrive” before you arrive.

It sounds simple, but it’s not always easy. Especially for someone like me, who spent so many years either running from the past or trying to control the future. It’s the peace that only shows up when you stop trying to be somewhere else. Even if “somewhere else” looks better at the moment. Even if it might be better.

Peace doesn’t live in the future. It shows up right here… or not at all. So last night, I tried something different. I let the questions be there without chasing them, without trying to force an answer. I let the uncertainty sit and settle without trying to resolve it. I just stayed with what was right in front of me.

And for a little while, that was enough. We may be moving soon. Or maybe not. Life will unfold the way it does. That’s just the way things work. But yesterday reminded me of something important, there is a space between “here” and “there” that we spend a lot of our lives in. And if we’re not careful, we miss the present completely, because we’re too busy trying to get out of it.

Last night I was tired. But not a bad kind of tired. It was the kind of tired that comes from living a full day, even if it didn’t come with all the answers. Maybe not every day is meant to give us crystal clarity. Some days just show us where we are right now.

Amituofo
~Buck