Whispering Wyrd

Here’s another thing I’ve noticed since getting clean… disagreements don’t have to be disasters.

That probably sounds obvious to a lot of people. But for those of us who have trauma or lived through addiction, disagreements can feel very different. They don’t just feel like differences of opinion, they feel like personal rejection. Like being attacked and abandoned at the same time.

For most of my life, that’s how it felt to me.

Now that I’m clean and my mind is clear, I now see disagreements for what they really are, just disagreements. Nothing more. And I can’t even describe how freeing that is! It’s like this huge weight I didn’t even realize I was carrying has finally been set down.

People aren’t cookie cutters. We all come with our own experiences, beliefs, and opinions. Everything from favorite ice cream flavors to politics and religion. These days, my outlook is pretty simple, as long as someone isn’t hurting me or my family, I don’t care what they believe.

That wasn’t always true.

When I was younger, I lived inside a very insular world. Everyone around me believed the same things, thought the same way, and reinforced the same viewpoints. I honestly didn’t even know people existed outside that bubble, much less know how to talk with them.

Looking back, I realize I wasn’t really thinking for myself. That kind of environment doesn’t encourage curiosity or reflection, it rewards conformity. And that’s how disagreements become dangerous. When a group or community depends on or demands sameness to survive, anything different feels like a threat.

So of course disagreements felt personal. Of course they turned ugly fast.

But recovery has changed that for me.

Now, if someone wants to talk honestly and respectfully about something we disagree on, I’m open to that. I don’t mind listening and I don’t mind learning. But if a conversation turns into gaslighting, insults, or one sided lecturing, I simply walk away. No arguing. No proving. Just stepping back and walking away.

That’s new for me.

I’m clean and sober for the first time in decades, and for the first time in my life, I’m genuinely happy. And part of that happiness comes from realizing I don’t have to “win” conversations anymore.

One thing I’ve learned in recovery is that getting clean isn’t just about stopping substances. It’s about building a new life. A life with healthier thoughts, healthier habits, and healthier relationships. The old ways that kept me stuck just aren’t compatible with healing.

So these days, I choose peace.

I choose the things that support my recovery like good food, gentle movement, meditation, and kind interactions. Disagreements will always be part of life. But destructive arguments don’t have to be.

We get to choose what we engage with.

And for me, choosing peace has been one of the wisest choices I’ve ever made in my life.

Amituofo
~Buck