Whispering Wyrd

Today I’m getting to exercise my ability to choose the good.

I remember a long time ago a man I had a lot of respect for told me that when things are rough is when we really get to see that we have choices in how we react to unpleasant situations. I was telling him about something that had been bothering me, and he said, “That’s the perfect opportunity to practice patience!”

The operative word was practice.

It really doesn’t do much good to say we’re working on patience when everything is going fine, only to fall apart or fly off the handle when things aren’t going so well. I can honestly say I’m doing much better in that area these days than I was back then. Withdrawals forced patience upon me. Now when things get annoying I tell myself, “This is nothing compared to what I’ve been through before.”

I also draw inspiration from people I love. Two people especially come to mind. One deals with chronic abdominal pain from a medical condition, and the other deals with chronic joint pain from another condition. Chronic pain is no joke. It doesn’t just hurt physically, it takes a toll emotionally too. Yet they keep going, and their positive outlooks inspire me to keep my own outlook positive.

I used to not believe it when people told me I had a choice in how I reacted to things. Now, I absolutely believe it. Yes, we can condition ourselves through habit to react badly. But we can also slowly rewire those patterns and learn to respond in healthier ways. That doesn’t happen overnight, it happens through repetition, through small choices, through practice.

That’s what I’m getting the opportunity to do today.

I didn’t sleep well again last night because of the nightmares. They’ve been happening more often lately. I suppose it’s because my brain isn’t drowning in alcohol or dulled by benzos anymore, so memories that were once buried are now finding their way to the surface. On top of that, I don’t feel well today.

So I’m choosing to focus on the good things in my life instead of how bad I feel in this moment.

The good things are still here, my family, quiet evenings, kind messages from readers, fresh air, hot tea, the miracle of simply being alive. It’s just harder to notice them when you’re tired and hurting. But they’re still there.

And choosing the good doesn’t mean pretending everything is perfect. It doesn’t mean denying pain or forcing positivity. It just means deciding, again and again, to place your attention on what nourishes you instead of what drains you.

Some days that choice seems big. Other days it’s tiny, like getting out of bed, taking a few slow breaths, being gentle with yourself, sending love to someone else who might be struggling too.

Today, for me, it looks like appreciating what’s still beautiful even while I’m not feeling my best.

If you’re having a rough day too, maybe this can be your invitation to choose one small good thing. Just one. And let it be enough for now.

We’re all practicing.

Amituofo
~Buck