Whispering Wyrd

I wrote recently about how much I love good conversations. Since then, I’ve had a couple of conversations that have stayed with me in a pretty deep way.

One was with someone in recovery, and one was with someone who’s never had to navigate recovery at all, but like everyone else, has still had their share of hardship. At first glance their lives look very different. But underneath, the same theme kept coming up.

Judgment.

Not loud or obvious judgment, but the quiet kind. The kind that leaves you feeling small and drained. Second-guessing yourself.

Most of us know at least one person like this. Sometimes it’s a coworker. Sometimes it’s someone in a support group. Sometimes it’s family. You know the type:

“Well, if you hadn’t chosen drugs or alcohol.”
“If you hadn’t gotten mixed up with that crowd.”
“If you just believed what I believe.”
“If you did things my way.”

Yeah. Those people.

For too long I let voices like that live rent free in my head. It’s only since getting clean that I’ve been able to see something more clearly… people who lead with judgment rarely, if ever, have anything helpful to offer those who are trying to heal, grow, or move forward.

What struck me in these recent conversations is how universal this experience is. No matter what path you’re on, someone will judge it. They’ll judge how you recover. They’ll judge what you believe. They’ll judge the car you drive, the way you earn money, the way you speak, the way you use your voice.

Here’s the part I sometimes have to remind myself of, over and over again… Their opinions don’t matter.

It’s not your job to manage other people’s emotions. Or, as I’ve heard it said in my group, other people’s opinions of you aren’t your business. People are free to think what they want. What is your responsibility is protecting your own healing and not letting someone else’s disapproval derail your progress.

Keep being you, keep recovering. Keep bringing your own light and voice into the world because you never know who might need it.

Most people, sane people anyway, want to live in peace. And in my experience, the ones who are constantly trying to make others feel “less than” are usually people whose own inner world is in turmoil. I’ve never met a person who was truly at peace with themselves who felt the need to make someone feel small. Not once.

A lot of us, especially those in recovery, are just learning how to speak our own truths. And it can feel risky. We worry about offending someone or about losing approval. We worry about being met with silence or disapproval instead of understanding. So we water down our words. We edit ourselves. We leave important pieces of our story out.

But here’s the hard truth, the people who try to silence you are not the people you need in your life.

Others don’t have to agree with you, but they also don’t have the right to argue you down, dismiss your lived experience, or make you feel ashamed for being honest. Disagreement is part of being human. Silencing is something else entirely.

Healing means learning to accept ourselves as we really are, what we believe, what we’ve lived through, and who we’re becoming. If someone consistently tries to make you feel small, muted, or unsafe for being yourself, they aren’t for you.

And if this resonates with you, if you’ve ever held your tongue to keep the peace, or edited your truth out of fear, you’re not alone. You’re not wrong. And you’re not too much.

Your voice matters. Especially now, so keep sharing it. You never know who might need to hear it.

Amituofo
~Buck