Category: Benzos
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Yesterday marked one year since my last benzodiazepine. For so long, this date was a horizon I wasn’t sure I’d ever reach. A promise, a fear, a measuring stick. I waited with hope, dread, and exhaustion. Now it has come and gone. What I find is not fireworks or finality, but a quiet, surprising spaciousness…
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One year off benzos today. Honestly, I didn’t think I would ever see this day. I was told, flat out, by doctors and pharmacists that I wouldn’t. That after more than twenty years, at high doses, this drug would always own a part of my life. Yet here I am. This has been the most…
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How do you describe how badly something hurt you? How do you put into words something that didn’t just wound you, but rearranged your life and your body from the inside out? I’ve tried, over and over, to describe what benzodiazepine withdrawal does to a human being. I can give people pieces of it. I…
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One of the many things I’ve noticed about myself since coming off benzodiazepines is how sensitive my heart has become, not just physically, but emotionally as well. Information, strong emotions, even what I read or witness online can now have a very real impact on my body. I’ve written before about how benzo withdrawal has…
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In the past, I made New Year’s resolutions and almost always failed at them. Looking back, it’s clear why… most of them were unrealistic and disconnected from the realities of my life at the time. Eventually, I stopped making resolutions altogether. This year is different. This year, I’ve made resolutions I know I can keep…
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In sixteen days, it will be one year since I took my last benzodiazepine.One year free. One year since my last and final pill. For so long, I was told by doctors and pharmacists that I would never be able to stop. That the doses were too high. That the length of use was too…
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I’m currently reading The Energy of Prayer by Thich Nhat Hanh. Like his other books, it’s thoughtful and gentle. But this one, in particular, has landed deeply for me. What resonates most is the way he speaks about spirituality without dogma. It’s not about what you’re supposed to believe, but about how you live, breathe,…
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I use CBD to help manage withdrawal symptoms. Today I stopped by a new shop to restock, since the store I used to go to closed its location here in town. Because this shop carries different brands and products, I explained what I was looking for, and why. When I mentioned that I was using…
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I’ll be sixty years old in a few short months, and I can say without hesitation that I’ve learned more about myself in the past year and a half than at any other point in my life. I’ve learned how to face fear.How to endure intense physical pain.How to survive withdrawal, not just medically, but…
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I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how sound has helped me heal. At almost a year off benzos now, my nervous system is still relearning how to be at peace. And what surprises me, maybe more than anything else, is that one of the most powerful tools I’ve found for recovery isn’t modern or…
Whispering Wyrd 