Whispering Wyrd

Something I’ve noticed since getting clean is how much I love good conversations. I learn so much just by listening to people.

I don’t remember ever having conversations like this before. I think there are two reasons for that. One, when I was drinking or taking pills I wasn’t very interested in listening, I was too angry and shut down, too closed off. And two, I just didn’t have access to this kind of diversity before we moved to Santa Fe.

Where I used to live in Texas, especially the rural area we were in, things were pretty homogeneous… backgrounds, beliefs, politics, religion. Here, where I live now in New Mexico, I’m surrounded by people from wildly different walks of life. And I find that incredibly healing and hopeful.

I’ve talked with people who’ve gotten sober and clean. I’ve talked with people who never turned to alcohol or drugs but had to overcome deep prejudice or hardship. I’ve talked with people who walked away from what a lot of people would call “powerful” lives in places like New York City or Los Angeles so they could live quieter, more grounded lives here.

Their stories are fascinating. A lot of them are deeply inspiring.

One of my favorite examples is right next door to us. Our neighbors are two older gay men who’ve been together almost forty years. We absolutely love them because they’re some of the kindest, best neighbors we’ve ever had. But I can’t help but think how different their experience might have been where we used to live. Here, they feel safe. They feel welcome. And that matters more than I can put into words. I’ve listened to their stories about how they’ve been treated in other places, and it makes me happy that they are happy here.

I’m not knocking the place I grew up or spent most of my adult life in. I’ve moved past the anger and resentment I once carried for that place. I’m just being honest about my experience. When I lived there, I assumed that’s what most of the country was like because that’s all I ever saw or heard. Living here has shown me how much I was missing.

I don’t think we can grow beyond what we already know unless we’re exposed to people who are different from us. Getting clean opened a whole new world for me, but listening to people is what’s helping me learn how to live happily in it.

One common theme I hear in these conversations is pain, and overcoming that pain. Addiction, prejudice, abuse, violence, loss. And then the slow, courageous work of moving forward anyway. What touches me most is how many people manage to do that without becoming hard or bitter.

Sometimes people fight back tears while telling their stories. But almost always, the conversations end with smiles, with laughter… with hope.

I love that!

And I’m grateful, deeply grateful, for every person who’s willing to share their story with me, and for every conversation that reminds me how human we all really are.

Amituofo
~Buck