Category: Living Spiritually After Healing
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Yesterday marked one year since my last benzodiazepine. For so long, this date was a horizon I wasn’t sure I’d ever reach. A promise, a fear, a measuring stick. I waited with hope, dread, and exhaustion. Now it has come and gone. What I find is not fireworks or finality, but a quiet, surprising spaciousness…
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One year off benzos today. Honestly, I didn’t think I would ever see this day. I was told, flat out, by doctors and pharmacists that I wouldn’t. That after more than twenty years, at high doses, this drug would always own a part of my life. Yet here I am. This has been the most…
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How do you describe how badly something hurt you? How do you put into words something that didn’t just wound you, but rearranged your life and your body from the inside out? I’ve tried, over and over, to describe what benzodiazepine withdrawal does to a human being. I can give people pieces of it. I…
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A couple of evenings ago,after a day and night of snowfall,we went out for food at one of our favorite places.When we came back outside,the sky looked like it had caught fire. New Mexico sunsets are always beautiful,but this one felt… alive.Pink and gold poured across the clouds,as if the mountains themselves were breathing light.I…
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One of the many things I’ve noticed about myself since coming off benzodiazepines is how sensitive my heart has become, not just physically, but emotionally as well. Information, strong emotions, even what I read or witness online can now have a very real impact on my body. I’ve written before about how benzo withdrawal has…
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In the past, I made New Year’s resolutions and almost always failed at them. Looking back, it’s clear why… most of them were unrealistic and disconnected from the realities of my life at the time. Eventually, I stopped making resolutions altogether. This year is different. This year, I’ve made resolutions I know I can keep…
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This is a response to some of the messages I’ve received regarding my last post. I didn’t write that post to offend anyone. It was written to reflect on something I find deeply troubling… the fact that a simple call for peace can provoke anger and hostility. When peace itself becomes offensive, it’s worth pausing…
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Some Buddhist monks are walking across the United States right now for peace. They aren’t doing this for spectacle. Monks do not leave their monasteries lightly or on a whim. When they do, it is usually because they perceive a great need. Throughout history, monks have walked through literal war zones, places where bullets were…
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In sixteen days, it will be one year since I took my last benzodiazepine.One year free. One year since my last and final pill. For so long, I was told by doctors and pharmacists that I would never be able to stop. That the doses were too high. That the length of use was too…
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I’m currently reading The Energy of Prayer by Thich Nhat Hanh. Like his other books, it’s thoughtful and gentle. But this one, in particular, has landed deeply for me. What resonates most is the way he speaks about spirituality without dogma. It’s not about what you’re supposed to believe, but about how you live, breathe,…
Whispering Wyrd 