Category: Authenticity
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Yesterday marked one year since my last benzodiazepine. For so long, this date was a horizon I wasn’t sure I’d ever reach. A promise, a fear, a measuring stick. I waited with hope, dread, and exhaustion. Now it has come and gone. What I find is not fireworks or finality, but a quiet, surprising spaciousness…
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One year off benzos today. Honestly, I didn’t think I would ever see this day. I was told, flat out, by doctors and pharmacists that I wouldn’t. That after more than twenty years, at high doses, this drug would always own a part of my life. Yet here I am. This has been the most…
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A couple of evenings ago,after a day and night of snowfall,we went out for food at one of our favorite places.When we came back outside,the sky looked like it had caught fire. New Mexico sunsets are always beautiful,but this one felt… alive.Pink and gold poured across the clouds,as if the mountains themselves were breathing light.I…
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One of the many things I’ve noticed about myself since coming off benzodiazepines is how sensitive my heart has become, not just physically, but emotionally as well. Information, strong emotions, even what I read or witness online can now have a very real impact on my body. I’ve written before about how benzo withdrawal has…
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In the past, I made New Year’s resolutions and almost always failed at them. Looking back, it’s clear why… most of them were unrealistic and disconnected from the realities of my life at the time. Eventually, I stopped making resolutions altogether. This year is different. This year, I’ve made resolutions I know I can keep…
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In sixteen days, it will be one year since I took my last benzodiazepine.One year free. One year since my last and final pill. For so long, I was told by doctors and pharmacists that I would never be able to stop. That the doses were too high. That the length of use was too…
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I want to share something small but surprisingly powerful that’s been helping me lately. A few nights ago, while talking with our neighbors, I noticed their home was filled with soft pink light. It wasn’t bright or flashy. It was gentle. Warm. Calm. I felt my body relax almost immediately, in a way that caught…
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I use CBD to help manage withdrawal symptoms. Today I stopped by a new shop to restock, since the store I used to go to closed its location here in town. Because this shop carries different brands and products, I explained what I was looking for, and why. When I mentioned that I was using…
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I want to begin by saying something clearly and respectfully… one doesn’t have to be Christian to enjoy Christmas. I realize that may already be obvious to many people, but I’ve had thoughtful questions from Christian friends about what Christmas means to me personally, as a Buddhist who also sees the world through an animist…
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I’ll be sixty years old in a few short months, and I can say without hesitation that I’ve learned more about myself in the past year and a half than at any other point in my life. I’ve learned how to face fear.How to endure intense physical pain.How to survive withdrawal, not just medically, but…
Whispering Wyrd 